Stephen Lang as Colonel Quaritch in Avatar crushes his enemies, sees them driven before him, and hears the lamentations of their women, all while enjoying a fresh cup of Joe. Truly, that is what is best in life.

I really didn’t want this to be true, but it appears to be.

Stephen Lang, the magnificent character actor whose thirty-year ouvre includes show-stealing performances in Manhunter, Last Exit to Brooklyn, Gettysburg, Tombstone, Gods and Generals, Public Enemies, The Men Who Stare At Goats, and Avatar, is going to be the antagonist in the upcoming “Conan” movie.

Well, I guess every actor needs their shame. I just hope Lang has a swell time hamming it up. Jeremy Irons has Dungeons & Dragons. Jack Palance has Hawk the Slayer. Michael Caine has Jaws: The Revenge. Hopefully, Lang’s Khalar Singh (man, even typing the name has me gritting my teeth) will be a ray of sunshine in this otherwise ridiculous production, delivering his lines with the same sense of ludicrous glee Raul Julia imbued in Street Fighter: The Movie. As far as I’m concerned, he’s the only thing I’m remotely optimistic about–his character’s a whole ‘nother kettle of piranhas, of course–and Mitra be praised, he might somehow make this film less intolerable to watch.

What does Lang have to say? How will he approach this legendary character–so legendary, in fact, Conan was afraid to to recount his adventures to the royal scribes discovered by the Nemedian Chroniclers? How can one possibly prepare for the role of a sorcerer who was more wily than Thoth-Amon, more powerful than Xaltotun, more diabolical than Yara, more sadistic than Tsotha-Lanti, more monstrous than Tolkemec, and more ambitious than Thugra Khotan?

“I’ve accepted the role of Khalar Singh,” Lang told MTV News when asked about the rumor.

“I have no idea how I’m going to do it,” Lang laughed. “First I’m going to find out how I’m going to sound. I’m going to get back on a Mongolian pony and ride like the wind. I’m going to flash my scimitar. I’m going to cut the nuts off Conan and his father.”

Sorry Steve, you’re too late for that party–the script got there way before you.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts…

Over at Rough Edges, friend of TC James Reasoner has recently posted a blog about this book by the nearly-forgotten writer Perley Poore Sheehan:

I don’t know if Robert E. Howard ever read this story, but it’s certainly possible. In the opening chapters, Abu is very reminiscent of Conan and other Howard heroes as he wreaks havoc on his enemies and leads a rebellion against the rich, powerful, and evil masters of the unnamed African nation where the story takes place. There’s slaughter right and left for a while, but then Abu emerges victorious and has to deal with ruling an unexpected kingdom while also trying to expand it. There’s also the matter of Khadija, the beautiful blond prisoner who was supposed to be the bride of the overthrown Arab merchant. She and Abu fall in love at first sight, but Abu has sworn a vow of poverty, sobriety, and chastity until he has spread his empire over the entire world and freed all the slaves everywhere.

Here’s the blurb:

Abu, The Dawn-Maker is a fast paced, bloody tale of a slave revolt in Portugese East Africa.

Following the death of his master Abu is declared, a wonder, a miracle, a messiah who would be a new dawn to all the down-trod peoples of the world. Drawn by his Luck and charisma, thousands join his army. The cities fall to his armies but close to Abu lies the seeds of destruction — a woman. Khadija! She has seen in him a vitality that sets her afire. She would have him for her mate. But Abu has made a solemn vow – of sobriety, of poverty and above all, of chastity — until his great work is done.

Here’s an excerpt of Abu, courtesy of Bill Thom from Coming Attractions:

Before he could repeat the cry Abu seized him by the arm and throat, bent him over backward. Al-Marwazi in that crushing grip apparently lost courage.
“Your bauble—I’ll get it back for you,” he gasped.
Abu laughed.
He twisted and crushed, twisted and crushed. There was scarcely a sound, except that of soft silk garments deranged, the shifting of feet on the ground. There was a moment when Abu was kneeling on the thing he had pressed down under him.
“Allah!” he cried. “He is dead. I have killed Al-Marwazi!”
The rich man had managed to get out his dagger, but it had been too late. It was slipping now from the smooth, fat fingers of his right hand.
And Al-Marwazi, as though he had forgotten all about the struggle that had barely begun, let it slip, lay with his face to the earth.
Abu picked up the dagger and pressed it home.
“Allah!” he repeated. “He is dead. And I–”
It was evident that the new thought had had difficulty in making its presence known; but once it was realized, Abu reeled to his feet like a drunken man.
“And I,” he gasped, “I am free!”

It looks interesting. Beb Books publishes this volume. Their catalogue also includes The Moon Pool and Conquest of the Moon Pool; these two stories by Abraham Merritt appear here in uncut and unabridged versions for the first time since their original publication in the Pulp magazine All-Story Weekly in 1918 and 1919 (Merritt edited and combined these tales to make a single novel out of both as soon as 1919).

Over at Echoes of a Forgotten Age, historical fiction writer extraordinaire, REH and KEW-fan (and friend of TC) Scott Oden, has posted a presentation of his new character, Nikomachos. Scott, who has already authored two must-have books for historical fiction aficionados like myself, Men of Bronze and Memnon, announced last summer on the Black Gate blog as well as on his own little cyberplace that he would pen a volume titled Serpent of Hellas: A Tale of Artemisium for Medallion Press. The Naval Battle of Artemisium took place in the summer of 480 BC. The Greek city-states united off the coast of Euboea during the second Persian invasion of Greece, to block the fleet of Persian king Xerxes I, while simultaneously another — more famous today — battle happened at the pass of Thermopylae (“Hot Gates”).

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On the Dark Worlds blog, friend of TC G. W. Thomas has posted a blog where he confirms that the ‘Pulp-descended’ magazine Dark Worlds is not dead. He plans to release a fifth issue this Summer. Mr Thomas has posted two mock-up covers over there, which are now also illustrating my blog. The logo has changed and the genres featured in the contents will be narrowed to “SF/Fantasy/Horror” instead of “Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, Mystery and other genres.”

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pibroch

noun

1. a set of mournful or martial variations for the Scottish Highland bagpipe

[Origin: 1719; Scottish Gaelic piobaireachd pipe music]

HOWARD’S USAGE:

Let Saxons sing of Saxon kings,
Red faced swine with a greasy beard—
Through my songs the Gaelic broadsword sings,
The pibrock [sic] skirls and the sporran swings,
For mine is the blood of the Irish kings
That Saxon monarchs feared.

[from “Black Harps in the Hills”; for the complete poem see The Collected Poetry of Robert E. Howard, p. 58; and Night Images, p. 52]

Arthur Henry Ward was born in England in 1883. His father hoped his son would make his way through life as a respectable businessman, but young Arthur was determined to make a name for himself as an author. He discovered immortality with the invention of two unlikely monikers that conjured an air of exotic intrigue when they debuted in print a century ago. The first was his chosen pen name, Sax Rohmer and the second was the name of the character at the heart of his first published novel, Dr. Fu-Manchu.

Over the years, the name lost its hyphen and became synonymous with the moustache artists and actors always depicted the character as wearing despite the fact that he was always described in print as clean-shaven. Dr. Fu-Manchu is a brilliant and honourable scientist who is opposed to British colonial interference in the East. Using a variety of fiendish inventions, insects, and assassins, he sets out to remove Western influence and silence those who know too much about the East. Most intriguing in our post-9/11 world, the Devil Doctor chooses to fight his battles not in China, but on British soil using terror as his weapon. He is opposed in his efforts by stalwart British colonialist Nayland Smith and Smith’s bodyguard and Fu-Manchu’s biographer, Dr. Petrie. Rohmer’s stories spanned five decades moving in real time with his characters aging alongside their author. For much of the first half of the last century, Dr. Fu-Manchu was the villain readers loved to hate.

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With spring upon us, it is time for pulp fans and collectors to start gearing up and making plans for this year’s convention season. The Windy City Pulp and Paper Convention will kick things off April 23rd through the 25^th at the Westin Lombard Yorktown Center in Lombard, Illinois, outside of Chicago. The theme of this year’s show will be a celebration of the 100^th anniversary of Adventure magazine, one of Robert E. Howard’s favorite pulps. Since its inception in 2001, the Windy City show has grown into one of the two largest pulp conventions in North America.

Highlights of the 2010 Windy City convention auctions on Friday and Saturday nights, and a series of film screenings featuring classic movies based on the works of pulp writers. There will also be an art show on Saturday featuring works by pulp artist Hubert Rogers. For hotel and registration information, visit their website. You can also stay informed on the latest news and announcement by becoming a fan of Windy City on Facebook.

 Girasol Collectibles will be sponsoring the 14^th Annual Fantastic Pulps Show and Sale on Saturday May 8^th in Toronto. This smaller, one day show will be held at the Lillian H Smith branch of the Toronto Public Library from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm. Contact Girasol Collectibles for more information.

Later this summer, the 2010 PulpFest will take place in Colombus, Ohio over the weekend of July 30^th through August 1^st. The event will be held at the Ramada Plaza Hotel and Conference Center in Columbus. PulpFest is in its second year, replacing the now defunct Pulp Con as one of the “big two” pulp conventions with Windy City.

This year the Guest of Honor at PulpFest will be author, editor, and screenwriter William F. Nolan. Nolan wrote biographies of pulp legends Max Brand and Dashiell Hammett, but is perhaps best known as the co-author of Logan’s Run. Registration and hotel information can be found at the Pulp Fest website.

The 5^th Annual Mid-Atlantic Nostalgia Convention will be held September 23th through 25^th at the Marriot Hotel in Hunt Valley, Maryland. This event showcases all aspects of 20^th century pop culture, with an emphasis on classic movies, television shows, books, and magazines. Most of the major pulp dealers attend this show and it is one of the largest events of its kind on the east coast. Check the website for more information.

Yes, despite the game being ostensibly based on the original Robert E. Howard Conan stories, Funcom put the bloody Wheel of Pain in Age of Conan. Sorry guys, but there's some things I just can't forgive.

Time to kick the slaves out of their cages, tie them to the spokes, and set them to turnin’ that Big Ol’ Wheel again. Some rumours are officially confirmed, others not: gather round, ye hopeless and despairing, for another twist of the Rumour Mill of Pain.

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HBO announced last Tuesday that it will pick up a full season of George R.R. Martin’s A Game of Thrones.

The New York Times reported on this development:

The principal cast of the HBO series, which will run 10 episodes, features no less than 17 members, including Mark Addy; Sean Bean; Peter Dinklage; Jennifer Ehle; Iain Glen; and Lena Headey; as well as Tamzin Merchant (of “Pride and Prejudice”) as the heroine Daenerys Targaryen. Production on the series is to begin in Ireland in June; a premiere date has not been set.

Jason Momoa is also cast (appropriately in this case) as the Horse Lord Khal Drogo.

Martin has been involved in the project, traveling to Northern Ireland and Morocco for filming, which hopefully signals a faithful adherence to the source material. Given HBO’s track record with series such as Rome, we can expect a powerful rendition of Martin’s gritty fantasy epic. Many Howard aficionados, including this one, believe that this kind of treatment is the best way to render Conan. Perhaps Crom will deign to intervene just this once…

Courtesy of Damon Sasser, I’ve discovered Jim and Ruth Keegan have started up a blog. They’ve christened it Two-Gun Blog. Simply sublime.

The Keegans are icons in the field of Robert E. Howard illustration, and an inspiration to this sometime illustrator. Their illustrations for the likes of Crimson Shadows, Grim Lands, and El Borak and Other Desert Adventures are dynamic, stylish, and pitch-perfect depictions of Howard’s prose. Their Adventures of Two-Gun Bob strip make the Dark Horse comics they appear in worth the price of admission on their own. One day, I hope to see a collection of every Two-Gun Bob strip, just to have them all in one place.

Their first few blog posts feature some lovely artwork, but of special interest to Robert E. Howard fans is a look at a beautiful illustration which sadly missed publication in the El Borak collection. Since it would have been in black and white for the volume itself, however, there’s an upside, since the Keegans present it here in full, vibrant colour.

I’m going to keep an eye on Two-Gun Blog: no doubt it’ll be a site to watch.