Generally, there are many ways one can approach the iconic Medusa of Greek Mythology. The Gorgoneion was an apotropaic amulet of the Ancient Greeks, usually depicting a tusked, snarling, bestial face leering below a mass of writhing snakes. This form was also depicted in the Athenian aspis pictured above. Others take the serpentine approach, depicting her with an ophidian tail, scales, scutes, horns and other fearsome features, such as in Ray Harryhausen’s Clash of the Titans. Most recently, Medusa appeared in the infamous video game God of War, where she sports cobras for hair and razor-sharp claws: though her face is not quite as monstrous, she still bears fangs and a somewhat mean expression. However, the exact last approach I’d go for–indeed, the polar opposite of the mythic creature’s entire being–in a remake of Clash of the Titans is a face that elicits the response “she’s absolutely gorgeous.”

This is probably the most potent example of just how much of a colossal disaster Clash of the Titans is–and what’s most worrying of all is how the mistakes made here could so easily happen in “Conan.” I’m going to warn now that the plot of the film–and that of “Conan”–will be dissected, destroyed and defenestrated forthwith, though frankly, if you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve pretty much seen the whole film anyway. (Continue reading this post)

This Cimmerian blog entry is a bit out of the ordinary. Following Damon C. Sasser’s recent post on the REH:Two-Gun Raconteur blog, fellow blogger Al Harron and myself both started to work on articles about proposed Howardian movies. Thus, instead of posting two blog entries with some overlap, we decided to revive the Auld Alliance and to provide a joint entry. Hence, this piece is a collaborative effort, co-signed by Alexander Harron and Miguel Martins.

The film purportedly based on REH’s mighty-thewed “Dark Barbarian” from Cimmeria has begun shooting in Bulgaria, but sadly, the positive news on the Conan project provided by Patrice Louinet tends to be drowned in a miasma of depressing, outrageous and otherwise unpleasant news. Damon Sasser was the messenger of doom last week, as he brought a number of upcoming Paradox projects to our attention.

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Given my interest in the development of the “Conan” movie (not for the film itself, you know, but mostly because it’s going to be introducing a lot of people to Robert E. Howard, and it’ll be important to know ahead of time what’s coming) I was eager to delve into May 2010′s Empire, a British film magazine of great esteem and popularity. Within was “Conan the Unmade,” a seven-page article on the history of Robert E. Howard “adaptations” on the big screen. However, I was not expecting a pleasant surprise: REH legend Rusty Burke graced the magazine with his presence.

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Taking a break from the Rumour Mill of Pain, we have some more official news regarding the upcoming “Conan” project. Once again, it is Fantasy.fr which gets an intriguing scoop on the film. Of particular interest is the fact that REH scholar Patrice Louinet has seen Jason Momoa as “Conan.” What does he think?

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My take on John Milius is ambivalent. I greatly enjoyed his films The Wind & The Lion and Red Dawn, as well as his scriptwriting in Apocalypse Now and Saving Private Ryan. “Rough Riders” was a contributing factor in granting Theodore Roosevelt a posthumous Medal of Honor, and I share a similar level of awe for the 26th President of the United States. Quint’s unforgettable and haunting monologue in Jaws is frequently attributed to Milius, and his involvement with one of the finest pieces of popular cinema cements his status in cinematic history. Then again, he was also involved in the abysmal 1941, and a reading of the King Conan: Crown of Iron draft screenplay left me worried that a prospect film would be in danger of becoming the Matrix Reloaded of the Conan the Barbarian mythos.

So Conan the Barbarian leaves me somewhat conflicted for various reasons. However, I do share one sentiment with him: nobody wants to see a remake of Conan the Barbarian.

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Courtesy of Anastasia on the Robert E. Howard Forum, we finally have some news on Solomon Kane’s DVD release. Any Howard fans across the pond itching to see Bassett’s controversial pastiche will get their chance on the 28th of June, 2010. Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear that a theatrical release will be happening, robbing those Howard fans of the chance to see the Man from Cross Plains’ name up on the big screen, an experience that was worth the time alone, in my opinion.

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I can’t help but feel redundant in joining the tributes to Steve Tompkins. What can I possibly say that hasn’t already been said? What can I contribute about Tompkins the scholar, editor and critic that hasn’t been covered by those with greater knowledge and erudition than I? Heck, what can I say that I didn’t already say back last May? But then, to suggest that everything that can be said, has been said, is something of a discredit to the impact and importance Tompkins had on Howardom.

His essays have graced journals and magazines. He edited and wrote the forwards to many books, including some of the Del Rey collections, in many ways the definitive Robert E. Howard collections. His opinions and knowledge of all realms of fiction made him preeminently qualified to speak about the merits of one author or another in regards to the great scheme of literature. A criticism often leveled at fans of Howard, Tolkien and other such authors is that we simply haven’t read enough “real literature” to make a reasoned and informed judgment on where they stand against the rest. Such a thing could surely never be said about Steve Tompkins, a man whose knowledge of high literature and history is surely as great as his intimacy with popular culture. Who else could make the link between “Beyond the Black River and Richard Slotkin, or “The Black Stranger” to The Scarlet Letter, so succinct and clear? Who else could note similarities between the characters of an Oscar-nominated, blockbuster movie to a 1930s Sword-and-Sorcery novel? Who else could speak about expectations of the upcoming The Hobbit from the Tolkien fan, the film fan and the fantasy fan within him simultaneously?

I know the ghost of Tompkins is strong, for though he has left this plane of existence, the echoes of his words reverb around all things Howard–not least in my own time on The Cimmerian. My recent “Barbarians of Middle-earth” articles could be considered spiritual sequels, or at least derivatives, of Tompkins’ seminal “The Shortest Distance Between Two Towers“; in particular, his comparison of Howard’s heroes to Aragorn was inspirational. In addition for opening my eyes to the incredible character of Valerius, Steve’s blog “What a Mummer Wild, What an Insane Child” inspired me to keep an eye out for Howardian allusions or applications in films as disparate as Up! and Avatar. Even his delightful children’s tales with a Howardian twist “Night Falls on Whoheim” and “Bumbles Pounce” moved me to contribute my own seasonal story, “Walking in the Air, With Burning Feet of Fire.” I don’t doubt others in the Howard sphere are similarly influenced and inspired by Steve Tompkins.

I like to imagine, in some world beyond man’s reckoning, there is a grand longhouse–perhaps like Beorn’s hall as envisaged by Tolkien–with many hearty men quaffing ale and roaring wild songs with abandon. Among them are great storytellers, like Homer, Tolkien, and Howard, telling tales of old heroes and great deeds to a captivated audience. And, still starstruck even after a year carousing all night and fighting all day, a certain newcomer is having the time of his afterlife.

Last time, on Rumour Mill of Pain: I mused on the possibility of Rose McGowan being cast in the “Conan” film, as well as being dismayed at the casting of Ron Perlman in yet another film that doesn’t deserve his time. Well, something seems to be very wrong here, for there is a possibility of something positive happening on the “Conan” film front.

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Samuel Encinas Garcia's lifesize facsimile of the Wheel of Pain: officially more impressive and exciting to me than the upcoming "Conan" movie. At least it's faithful to the source material it's based upon.

With “Conan” principal shooting on the precipice of commencement, I’m in real danger of turning into The Cimmerian’s answer to Perez Hilton. If it means I can bluster a bit more about the star-crossed stupidity of this project, I’m willing to take that risk. I’m more worried about running out of Wheel of Pain pictures to exploit.

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Stephen Lang as Colonel Quaritch in Avatar crushes his enemies, sees them driven before him, and hears the lamentations of their women, all while enjoying a fresh cup of Joe. Truly, that is what is best in life.

I really didn’t want this to be true, but it appears to be.

Stephen Lang, the magnificent character actor whose thirty-year œuvre includes show-stealing performances in Manhunter, Last Exit to Brooklyn, Gettysburg, Tombstone, Gods and Generals, Public Enemies, The Men Who Stare At Goats, and Avatar, is going to be the antagonist in the upcoming “Conan” movie.

Well, I guess every actor needs their shame. I just hope Lang has a swell time hamming it up. Jeremy Irons has Dungeons & Dragons. Jack Palance has Hawk the Slayer. Michael Caine has Jaws: The Revenge. Hopefully, Lang’s Khalar Singh (man, even typing the name has me gritting my teeth) will be a ray of sunshine in this otherwise ridiculous production, delivering his lines with the same sense of ludicrous glee Raul Julia imbued in Street Fighter: The Movie. As far as I’m concerned, he’s the only thing I’m remotely optimistic about–his character’s a whole ‘nother kettle of piranhas, of course–and Mitra be praised, he might somehow make this film less intolerable to watch.

What does Lang have to say? How will he approach this legendary character–so legendary, in fact, Conan was afraid to to recount his adventures to the royal scribes discovered by the Nemedian Chroniclers? How can one possibly prepare for the role of a sorcerer who was more wily than Thoth-Amon, more powerful than Xaltotun, more diabolical than Yara, more sadistic than Tsotha-Lanti, more monstrous than Tolkemec, and more ambitious than Thugra Khotan?

“I’ve accepted the role of Khalar Singh,” Lang told MTV News when asked about the rumor.

“I have no idea how I’m going to do it,” Lang laughed. “First I’m going to find out how I’m going to sound. I’m going to get back on a Mongolian pony and ride like the wind. I’m going to flash my scimitar. I’m going to cut the nuts off Conan and his father.”

Sorry Steve, you’re too late for that party–the script got there way before you.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts…